Theresa, I just wanted to post a note to let you know I'm thinking about you.
I never would have thought that one year after you left us I'd be 6 months pregnant and making an offer on a house. Thanks for watching over us. I imagine all the time the things you'd say about the baby, to the baby, and I wish that he could have known you...
We had a very nice visit with my aunt and uncle in NH. Lauren & I had never been there at the same time before, it made the family connection feel really strong. We ate a good meal, cuddled & relaxed on the couch, and went through some of what my aunt called "emotional hangover."
The holidays were rough. Now that the 6 month anniversary of losing Theresa has passed I'm still shocked with the reality that she's really gone. She's not coming back. Going places with Lauren is great, we've never done this before, but when the two of us are together there is a very strong feeling that Tea is missing.
Lor took this awesome photo of the trees in the sky. There was excellent light at Aunt Cathy's place yesterday morning so we took a lot of photos. So far Lor's visit has been full of what my mother would call "sisterly love and bonding," 
We took some nice shots but also a bunch of goofy ones, like one us strangling each other, which I promptly sent to our parents.
On the drive back down to MA we stopped in a small quilt shop in Kingston, NH, where I may have bought more if I wasn't on this healthy fabric diet. I got a pack of thimble-its instead. We got stuck in Friday rush-hour through Boston which wasn't too fun. By the time we made it to Quincy we were starving. We met up with some of my co-workers and introduced Lori to Japanese food (language, and culture-- at times it must have felt like we were totally in Japan..). She goodheartedly tried everything we put in front of her, much better than I did on my first trip there. After a few hours it was leaning towards becoming a more rowdy drinking party so I think she and I were both happy to get back in the car for the final stretch home.
We drove out to Marie's house for a charity sit & sew this afternoon and she got to meet a large portion of my guild. Everyone asked if she was a quilter, haha. No, not yet.
I'm pooped, tired of driving, and just want to sit down and sew something. My thumb feels better today; I gave it a rest and started working on a crocheted rag rug in NH (still squeezing in a few sewing stitches each day to keep my resolution). That's a big thick project, but it grows really fast. I'm using all the leftovers from my t-shirt quilt (still in progress, of course). Aunt Cathy mentioned that she's got 2 boxes of t-shirts that she'd like to put into a quilt. I said I'd help, but she'll have to come down for a sewing weekend at my place. That's something to look forward to. Anyway, I've run into a possible dilemma with my travel quilt #2.. I may need to order a third pack of templates, but I'd like to avoid that if possible. I have two big sections going from opposite ends and now I think I won't have enough templates to make them long enough to meet in the middle.. must take pictures and show you soon....
Christmas break is going well, I'm spending lots of time with family but not much time online. I did make plans to hang out with Carolyn next week (yay), hope that works out. The family totally loved their quilts, which made me really happy. The first photo is me and Lori, then mom and dad with mom's quilt:
And mom & dad with dad's quilt. I want to get "real" blog-type photos at some point, but I haven't had the chance just yet. I was working on mom's quilt until the very last minute-- sewing the binding on at grandma's across the street. My left thumb is really sore, but I can't stop sewing, you know me.
I got a very unexpected present on Christmas eve from my cousin Emy. She put together a vintage box of tons of fabric scraps from our great grandmother's collection, with pieces from her stash as well. It's awesome. If I have time in the new year I'd like to make a scrap quilt with all my vintage cottons... quite a project, and I'll really have to commit myself to it because if I cut them up and then never finish I'll be heartbroken.
ahhh.. It has been tough going through the holidays without Theresa, especially the big family parties. Lori has been a great support though.
Hope all went well for everyone out there in blogland. I am terribly behind in reading my bloglines but hope to catch up soon.
This is where we have our monthly Sit & Sews, the Lions club in Berkeley, MA. Berkeley seems like a quiet town and I really don't know much about it. The women who usually come to the sit and sew are long time residents though, so they always have a lot of local news to talk about.
I ended up working on Theresa's garden quilt and 5 hours of sewing went by in a flash. Once again the turn out was low (5 quilters sewing, and one stopping in to chat), but we had different people this month, so that was nice. Carol said we could reserve the room for November too, but it's the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I told her to go ahead because there seemed to be a few of us who would be interested. I'll bring this project again, but it's slow going. I only made 5 flowers today.
No word yet from Amanda, hope she's having fun in Boston. C is cleaning the house and I really should help him, but all I want to do is sew some more now. Thanks for the comments about my fabric addiction/collection. I'd love to hear how other people manage their stash and keep track of things. I'd also like to learn how to put the little measuring code into my sidebar to track how far along I am on certain projects. Can anyone help with that?
We just had an argument about quilting. It wasn't the predictable, "you spent too much money on fabric" or "stop sewing and clean the house" type, but something a little deeper, more painful, and I think I need your support.
He made plans to see a friend in Boston for lunch on Saturday. I said I didn't want to go because the guild is having an all-day sit and sew.
He said, "you need to see them 4 days a week?"
I said, "I need them. Those women are my support group now."
"but you saw them all last weekend, and on Monday night too."
"but last weekend was the Show, we weren't quilting. I need to sit with them and quilt."
and he said, "You would rather spend time with them again than come up to Boston with me?"
My heart aches. He needs me, I need him. We are both still hurting, but we need to be comforted in different ways. I know he wants me to go with him to meet his friend, to sit with him in the car for the hour drive there and the hour drive home. On another day I would do that, but I need to sew. I need to start my grief quilt for Theresa because my sadness wells up and I want to stitch and iron it out. I need something to work on, to keep my hands busy. A quiet comfortable place to go to and let my thoughts be with her.
I need my guild. All of those women who can comfort me and understand me, even if we don't say a word. Just to spend all day stitching with them will bring me the balance and peace I need to make it through another hectic week at work.
It frustrates me that he doesn't understand women's social groups. It pains me that I'm not strong enough now to be there when he needs me. But I'm not, and so we argue, and then I feel worse, and know I need to quilt more.
It is unfair that he and I have to go through these difficult times together yet apart. I am much more emotional than he is and I think he can't handle me, so I turn to other friends. Please tell me that what I'm doing, what I'm feeling makes sense. Don't tell me what my husband should do for me, just give me guidance to get through this time. Thank you. 
This is my draft plan for the grief quilt. Costas helped me choose fabrics last night and I washed and ironed them today so they'll be ready to cut into on Saturday. I want to have a few blocks done by the time I go to Chicago in October, to show mom and Lori.
Thank you for all the comments about the quilt show. It was pretty amazing, but a lot of work. I was flipping through the photo album after Monday's guild meeting and realized there were quilts there that I didn't even see. I regretted not having the time to appreciate each one more fully. It amazes me that I get to surround myself with this talented group of women more than once a month. That's why I fight when he suggests I should skip a get together. I just can't.
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